Bitching and Moaning on a Semi-Regular Basis
March 2, 2012 1 Comment
I want to Obama-size your face and put it on a T-Shirt.
Maybe you got some problems.
Maybe you had a little too much to drink by 11am.
Maybe you got a little lost on your way from point A to point B.
Maybe you totally fucked up when you stormed the gates and drove all over the airport runway.
But no one can take this one thing from you young man: Great face bro… great face.
March 1, 2012 Leave a comment
...I have to follow the code, it's the only thing that stands between me and rude table behavior.
That honey glazed ham tastes great although its a little dried out in the middle. There’s an absolute cap on how good ham can be anyway I guess, it doesn’t have the decadence of a great steak nor does it have the ability to bend to the whims of the flavoring of an expert preparation like fish or poultry, but it is a treat nonetheless. That’s why I eat it for breakfast every morning after I prepare it with my pointy two pronged tomato knife. These mashed potatoes really hit the spot. Comfort food at the most basic level, simply put, the single greatest starch you can add to a meal. The string beans are even popping tonight, perfectly tender while still maintaining a garden fresh crispness.
That home made mac and cheese, though, the one with with 3 different cheeses mixed in and a crispy coating of bread crumbs on the top was baked to perfection, that mac and cheese is the star of the show tonight. I didn’t take enough when I took my first serving, I didn’t want to look like a glutton. But wait… are those finely cut mushrooms mixed in? It adds so much to the flavor. I finished everything on my plate except for this last bite but my soul still aches for more. I savor my last bite, it warms my being as it slides down my throat into my digestive tract. I want some more, everyone else is still eating, this is the perfect time to make one last move. Have one last serving. But wait… no… my time as passed…
There’s only one spoonful left. I’m unfamiliar with these people at this table. If it were just Deb and the baby, or better yet Rita and the kids I would have no qualms taking that last morsel. But with these so called “friends” and “acquaintances,” more like strangers, I don’t feel the comfort necessary to act. Slices of ham as far as the eye can see, warm bread in a basket within arms reach, mashed potatoes sitting on the other end of the table… but only one spoonful left of mac and cheese. Sitting. Waiting. Rapidly cooling to room temperature. The mac and cheese won’t be mine, it can’t be. It’s flavorful flavorful and rich, yet it fades into the darkness of culinary delights past. I want to take it for myself but I cannot. It belongs to everyone and no one all at the same time.
[Harry Morgan nods approvingly as Dexter adheres to the non-familial group dinner last serving code wherein no one ever touches the last serving of any item on the table when eating in a large group of non-family members for fear of being considered a pig]
December 18, 2011 Leave a comment
I can't wait to post the "after" picture.
Like pretty much everyone else, my friends and I have a longstanding holiday gift swapping tradition. We play some sort of “game” with unclear rules wherein we pass gifts back and forth several times until the “game” inexplicably stops and you are stuck with whatever is in front of you. The entire event makes little to no sense by any objective standard, but we do it year in and year out regardless. I’m not sure how the rules work, I don’t particularly care. In this game it is truly better to give than to receive. The whole point of this “game” is to give the most offensive gift possible, at least in the opinion of myself and some others. This year I’ve found the perfect gift.
December 10, 2011 Leave a comment
So did he finish or what?
This all started for me when I saw The Shining for the first time. There is a bizarre scene towards the end of the movie when things have gone completely off the rails and Shelly Duvall is running through the Overlook with her perma-scare face on (and of course the gaping jaw… close your mouth Shelly Duvall). As she makes her way up a flight of stairs she pauses and looks into a bedroom at the end of the hallway. All you can see inside the room at first is a bare ass sticking out of the trap door bottom of some sort of furry pants. As the scene develops it becomes apparent that the rest of the body attached to the bare ass is engaging in some sort of fellatious activity. The happy receiver (can’t blame a guy for being pleased, a blowie is a blowie) sits up along with the furry, and both stare at the camera. The bare assed blower appears to be some sort of weird dog/man thing from afar, and that suspicion is confirmed via an extreme closeup. That moment in the film is terrifying (although not as scary as being forced to look at Shelly Duvall’s face again when the camera brings us back to her).
November 4, 2011 Leave a comment
I saw this on TV the other night and I couldn’t help but share it with you guys here. First of all, if you could find the right caretaker this would be completely amazing. Imagine someone funneling booze into your mouth via a bottle, serving you food at your whim, and generally waiting on you hand and foot. I like the oversized baby items like the giant high chair and the massive crib, excellent craftsmanship. The only real downside that I can see is the need to use a diaper, that could get pretty gross real fast, especially after a night of heavy drinking. Diaper aside, on an emotional maturity level, I think this guy is speaking my language.
November 1, 2011 Leave a comment
I ask myself the same question every day.
We’ve discussed the “Occupy” movement in this space previously, but I thought you guys would appreciate some images from here in the city of brotherly love. I saw that “grubby lowlifes” are taking over at Zuccotti Park in NYC. Something similar is happening here as well. The whole thing has turned into a smelly homeless encampment. The majority of the original protesters have left and abandoned their expensive looking tents. Inside, you have legions of street lowlifes pissing in bottles and shitting on the ground. Even better, the entire “protest” is costing the city 112K a week in police overtime and etc.
Regardless of all of this, there are some relatively amusing signs and whatnot that you can take a look at. A buddy of mine walks through Dilworth Plaza at City Hall each day to and from the office and sends me his favorites. Check down after the jump to take a look at the images of the filthiest lowlife people, in a filthy lowlife city. I give you, Occupy Philadelphia.
July 25, 2011 Leave a comment
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Women always say that they want a man who knows what he wants, and knows how to get it. If they really mean it, this guy should be snapped up relatively soon.
Don’t dismiss this as simply the crass online ramblings of a social/sexual predator, to do so would be a mistake. Instead, give credit where credit is due. He hooks the reader in with his catchy post title, “I like to eat pussy.” Any woman who read that immediately wanted to learn more and clicked on the link. Who wouldn’t want a nearly 40 deviant from South Philly trimming their hedges?
June 4, 2011 Leave a comment
Is this conspicuous?
I cut myself shaving today. If you haven’t had the privilege of doing so recently, I assure you it sucks just as much as you remember. Not only does it hurt, but your seemingly insignificant cut finds a way to bleed for the next 2+ hours regardless of what you do. It’s one of those things in life that sucks and you completely forget about it until it happens to you.
June 3, 2011 Leave a comment
You never want to be stuck with the solo lurker, obviously no one else did.
At 9:08 this morning with the sun shining, a light breeze keeping me cool, and the taste of Jack Daniels still on my breath I tee’d off with a duck hook into the tall grass and began one of the most poorly played round of golf I’ve had in years. A few buddies and I booked a tee time as a threesome for this morning and figured that on a weekday we’d be free and clear of picking up any excess players at the club house. Unfortunatley, we were wrong. We picked up a 4th in the clubhouse. These types of things happen, and when they do, they can change the entire tone of the round. The situation we encountered today wasn’t the worst case scenario of all golf pairing scenarios, the fact that we came with no less than 3 players guarenteed that couldn’t happen.
June 2, 2011 Leave a comment
Click and enjoy…
