When there's unexpected fruit in my dinner salad.

Laboring on Labor Day.

When I mean to type "You too!" and it comes out as "You tool"

I thought I invented "buffaloaf" yesterday, but google informed me this morning that a million people have already thought of it.

A giant bug just fell (from where?!) onto my head and got tangled in my fricking hair.

I've managed to squeeze about 20 minutes of work into the past two hours.

Feeling compelled to break stuff.

It's hard to enjoy time off when you know what's waiting for you when you get back.

Starting the workday with a Cypress Hill song in my head.

"paks"

The amount of vocal fry in this Kohl's ad is unbearable.

The word "comfy"

Poop on the toilet seat in the women's restroom. What is this, a preschool??

Twerking ice cream cones.

Skudd implying I'm not grumpy today.

Shopping sites that require me to create an account in order to browse. Buh bye.

The way Roland Orzabal bares his teeth in the "Shout" video. Like one of those whitening toothpaste commercials where you know the actors were told to show as much teeth as possible while talking.

literally

Envelope glue.

When the air is humid enough that the last Pop Rocks in the package stick together along the sides and I can't get them out.

"It's a process."

Realtor photos with overdone HDR.

Limp Bizkit ruined "Behind Blue Eyes" for me. I can't think of it without thinking of the Speak & Spell voice.

When Facebook won't let me be myself.

Something about this coffee (or maybe the creamer) is weird today.

The scent of Johnson's baby shampoo has changed.

difference of opinion # attack

Shopping for clothes makes me hate the world.

"The Internet is for porn" song.

Screwing up grumps.