Facebook, why you keep showing me the same five posts from 8 hours ago?!

Hæmatomas.

When the "logout" option on a site is hard to find.

Forgetting until now that the zipper on my coat is broken.

When the restaurant serves your food with a napkin from another restaurant

Lindsey Buckingham split from Fleetwood Mac again.

cancelling/canceling

Jimmy John's never puts napkins in the bag with delivery orders.

Dead ant floating in my coffee. I know it wasn't there when I first made the coffee. wtf.

The way this almond milk coffee creamer separates and looks all weird after I mix it into my coffee.

Ads from stores that use the term "obsessed", like, "We're obsessed with these suede boots in fall colors."

"Living my best life"

The way Melanie Griffith talks.

Correction: when there's any fruit in my dinner salad. (I will make exceptions for tomatoes and avocados.)

When there's unexpected fruit in my dinner salad.

Laboring on Labor Day.

When I mean to type "You too!" and it comes out as "You tool"

I thought I invented "buffaloaf" yesterday, but google informed me this morning that a million people have already thought of it.

A giant bug just fell (from where?!) onto my head and got tangled in my fricking hair.

I've managed to squeeze about 20 minutes of work into the past two hours.

Feeling compelled to break stuff.

It's hard to enjoy time off when you know what's waiting for you when you get back.

Starting the workday with a Cypress Hill song in my head.

"paks"

The amount of vocal fry in this Kohl's ad is unbearable.

The word "comfy"

Poop on the toilet seat in the women's restroom. What is this, a preschool??

Twerking ice cream cones.

Skudd implying I'm not grumpy today.

Shopping sites that require me to create an account in order to browse. Buh bye.