Girl in the next office has her dad on speakerphone and he's telling her all of the family members' e-mail addresses and passwords.

Please stop trying to sell me Plexus, Visalus, leggings, essential oils, and Miracle Mascara.

Thank you, Windows, for taking the exact time slot of my lunch hour to do updates.

People who pronounce the letter C like a G.

When the controller won't pair with the console.

Muffin top, particularly my own.

"delete out" and "add in"

This office makes me sick. Literally.

cap'm

Since I started working here, the carpets have never been cleaned. That was in 2009. I'm told it was "many years" before that since the last time they were cleaned. Every other part of the building has been updated in the last three years. Even the storage area in the basement is getting fresh paint. Yet here we continue with nasty carpet, filthy walls, and falling-apart desks that we have to warn students not to lean on so they don't get splinters. What the eff.

People who don't take no for an answer.

That fruit cup commercial. "Oh, they're drainers."

Suspense!

Fleek.

All music sounds like crap right now.

Dried banana chips.

I slammed my thumb in my desk drawer. Now it has a heartbeat.

Dried food bits stuck to the inside of my water bottle. Thank you, dishwasher.

ice

Who staples a check?!

Let the weirdness begin.

People who say "O" when they mean "zero"

"WIND CHILL VALUES...15 BELOW TO 30 BELOW."

FRICKING BSoD!

Raw sewage coming up out of the floor drain in the restroom. Again. Ugh.

"We need a little Christmas."

Finding mystery bits stuck to the bottom of the inside of your water bottle while you're polishing off the last ounce of your second bottleful.

Group text conversations.

I have the chicken dance song stuck in my head.

"Micheal"